Sarah88
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sentiment
every smile
stabs like a knife to the heart
every person
seemingly the happiest i've ever seen them
the second i've been broken of something i love or want.
i'm tired of being sad or mad about it.
i wish i could be careless like them
because i want to hurt someone now.
the problem is that i don't know how.
i feel like a helpless person
that people love for awhile and admire longer,
then love to hate and laugh at.
i don't understand how it comes easier for people never to care about anything
then to care about things and people.
you...ah...:)
you have always been like a breath of fresh air to me...and more...
and now that i am seeing you possibly see me...
all of these things are happening
only God can explain.
words are coming out of my mouth
that you have written,
i am feeling things
i have never felt before.
Sometimes i feel
like you are the only other human being
that has eyes.
on both sides.
I miss you.
11/11
i knew i was playing with fire...
thats a given
you must not be aware of how many times
people have tried to turn me from you
it has burned me uh, several times.
the thing is
fire is strong.
you are playing now.
and im not like fire
i will break fast
and easily.
just want to let you know
that uh,
you could kill me now
im just trying to be honest
cuz i dont have much in this world
that wakes me up
and you just woke me up again...
i think about you all day now.
this might be bad.
but its all good right now...?
dont make me say
what im thinking about on here
haha
idont know whats going on. ah. %-)
10.11
I'm sorry
I wasn't aware
of what has been going on.
it makes me love you more though.
every effort you have made has been for the good.
you should be rewarded for that.
but you're not always rewarded, are you?
sometimes i wonder how you can do some of the things you do.
Like driving the herds out.
Driving the swarms. out.
making your own swarms with every movement.
and there's always that pesky one
that won't go. away.
he even attracts others
just when you thought you'd cleared the air.
I can see your vision now.
I see how they stare now.
I see how they mimic.
I see how they see you
and I see how they shun you.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry.
For all the time that trasnpired.
Neither of us had a choice I don't think
look at me saying neither of us had a choice
maybe I didn't
S.D. (copyright 2011)
elaboration on incidences
I feel i should explain a little more about what happened to me in my previous blog. The incident in '02 in Seattle. I didn't really say the whole story.
I was working downtown on Pine street at this big Old Navy and I became friends with this guy Joey who was super into the music scene in Seattle, but also just in general.
So one day we were talking about Deftones and he was like, 'oh yeah, they are around sometimes recording at Studio X'
Turns out Studio X was like a couple blocks from my dormroom in Belltown. Joey even walked me there to check it out. It was super indescript...I couldn't see much.
I went back a couple times to peek around, but I never saw anything or anyone.
I was going to the art institute of seattle at the time and i had a pretty full schedule, because i was going to school full time, working part time, and trying to work out regularly at 24 hr fitness which was like 20 blocks from my dorm.
*****
it is sunny
but he wears sunglasses
to hide his tired eyes mostly.
he walks so weary
looking at each person
as they pass.
he sees very clearly
what each one looks like
what they are wearing
who they are with
what they are saying
and where they appear to be going.
he is also aware
that those things don't really matter.
what matters is a person's soul
sometimes they show it
and he can see with a single glimpse
sometimes they hide it
and he can't see a thing.
he is curious about these things
and he wonders if there is anyone else curious too
that can also decipher like he can.
He knows
that he probably won't be there
when these people reach their destination.
and even if he were to be
they will never see him.
S.D. 8/11 (copyright 2011)
riviere
was it you who cut my armies down?
(i already know you tore my heart out)
i waited for a new face
yeah. you know me.
i thought yours was too far
so i searched for years
for you? maybe..
coming up empty
every time.
took me by surprise
to find you
we have faced.
i can rest a little now...
i know you are real...
and i even told you
that i love you.
i can rest now. a little.
but still need drugs to sleep.
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